Butter Butt

(August 2008)
By Laura

I decided to make scones for my small group. They turned out scrumptiously. I packed the butter, jam, whipped cream, and honey. Granny stayed in the living room the whole time, a little annoyed that I turned the oven on in the heat wave we were experiencing.

I returned home about midnight. There are chimes on the door (the signal for robbers), so I was careful to sneak through the door. I had too much in my hands so it was hard to maneuver. The next thing I remember I hear this weird swishing sound...what the...I look, and to my shock and horror, the bag with the butter is leaking!! There is a waterfall of butter pouring into the turquoise carpet. I put the scone bowl under the bag and run to the fridge and shove it all in. Next, I grab 3 paper towels. I would have loved to grab more, but granny keeps a careful eye on her roll of paper towel, and she is not above recycling barely used ones. In fact, she usually has two sheets sitting on top of the roll, just to keep track.

I try to soak up the butter, but the three paper towels won't do. I take off my undershirt and use it to soak up the rest. I am sweating with terror. I wake my sister up. That's what I do when I can't function. She helps me clean up the carpet and it looks like granny will never have to know. My sister lets me know I have a butter stain on my brand new jeans. She recommends I clean them right away, so the stain doesn't set in. Good advise. She hands me the bottle of Shout.

I lay my jeans out and spray them until their drenched. Being super smart, I let it soak in. I come back in about 10 minutes. What is that smell? Bleach. Turns out I grabbed the bottle that was on the floor, instead of the bottle I set on the counter. I ruined my new jeans. By this point, it's just better that I go to bed.

The next morning, my sister gives me word that we are in the clear. My buttery carpet dried perfectly. Granny will never have to know.

(Rebekah) I came down to have breakfast the next morning. I'm sitting at the table with coffee and toast amused by all that we've managed to cover up, when Granny rolls by with a HUGE wet spot on her bottom. My first thought was she sat in some water, hopefully she hadn't had an accident, but when she walked by again it wasn't looking any drier. I realized I couldn't let her go walking around with a huge circle of who knows what on her bottom. In the back of my mind I figured it was somehow the spilled butter, but I was hopeful it wasn't. I let her know she'd managed to get something on her bottom and then felt the seat of every chair inside and outside to figure out what had happened....over use of bug spray?? After finding nothing I went upstairs to find my sister and asked her where there might be butter. It turns out, Laura forgot that she set that buttery bag down on the chair when she first walked in, and that mess soaked through her chair.

(Laura) I was more than terrified because I know how much Granny values her things. We had truly hoped that Granny's stained shorts wasn't due to the butter. When there was no doubt that it was my fault there was nothing left to do but fess up. She surprised us and was gracious. It was more than I expected. "It was an accident", she said.

The carpet though is still a mystery to her.